Happiness is elusive, you could do everything right and still end up sad and miserable.
Many permanent happiness factors are out of your control like family, environment, and life circumstances. And then there’s the heritability factor that states 70–80% of your happiness is based on genes.
Not only does it seem impossible to take your happiness into your own hands but you do further damage by practicing poor lifestyle habits.
Arthur Brooks a social scientist and Harvard professor believes that you are killing your chances of being happy if you follow these 4 deadly habits.
1. You Ruin Your Happiness by Not Valuing Pain
Journalling is proven to boost mental health , but you are missing out on the one prominent form of journalling that Brooks recommends the most.
Have you ever heard of a pain journal?
Documenting one’s suffering seems a bit much, but in reality, painful moments are the ones that you need to journal the most.
Writing down your angst and sadness can help you unravel the meaning behind the suffering. Moreover, it will make the lessons of adversity clear.
It will prevent you from overthinking once you write everything swirling in your brain. One classic journaling technique to do so is morning pages.
Pour your heart out on the pages, all the thoughts, daydreams, and vindication in one place. Write the unfiltered version of the story that caused you pain and grief.
This will help you manage your emotions better as you’ll be able to identify the root cause of the issue quickly by writing down the incident.
I prefer this in-detail approach of pain journaling as it makes me feel lighter like a burden has been lifted from my chest.
But you can follow this succinct three-line method for pain journalling given by Mr Brooks.
- Write the problem that caused you pain in one sentence, like “I had a big fight with Dad”.
- Leave two lines underneath it empty.
- Return to this prompt after a month and write a lesson this challenging moment taught you.
- Then revisit this prompt after six months to write a good thing that came out of this suffering.
It is a long solution but it’ll only take ten minutes. So, keep a small notebook that you can use as a pain journal. Or save a small section in the back of your journal for pain journalling.
2. You Are Spending your Money All Wrong
There’s an adage that money can’t buy happiness. But social scientist Arthur Brooks believes you’re spending your money wrong if it doesn’t make you happy.
Money can make you happy to a certain limit, but once you make a solid income the effect of money on happiness wears off. So, it doesn’t mean a millionaire has a higher probability of being happier than you.
Here’s what you need to do with your money to boost happiness according to Mr Brooks.
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Experience is a better investment for happiness than materialism. So, spend money on experiences that you have always wanted to have.
So, plan the trip that you have been postponing since the pandemic. - Time is a limited resource. You can’t buy even a nanosecond no matter how rich you are. But you can spend money wisely to buy back time. Save your precious hours by outsourcing chores that you don’t want to do.
- Charity is proven to raise your happiness. You feel happy and blessed when you share your good fortune with others. So, donate to causes that you care about regularly.
These three simple changes can help you form a financial plan that gives you the best return for your buck by boosting your happiness and mental health.
3. Your Poor Social Fitness Wrecks Your Happiness
Your happiness is the result of your attention. That’s the simple truth that we ignore every day.
We’re predisposed to focusing on negative content. So, it makes absolute sense that you’ll scroll through Twitter in the morning rather than doing the workout that you desperately need.
Moreover, it feels self-indulgent to worry about your happiness when you watch the bloodshed and blatant hate online. The nihilist in you jumps on the surface to make you believe that the world is screwed.
So, you put your happiness and mental health in the backseat. You feel guilty about being happy.
Chasing happiness is not self-indulgent it’s self-care. Suffering will never be eradicated from this world, so you can choose to live happily now before it’s too late.
Psychoanalyst Dr. Robert Waldinger believes that diverting our attention to people who make us happy is the secret behind a happy life.
Your social fitness makes you more resilient in the face of adversity. Your happiness lies in the fact how comfortable you are in reaching out to others every day.
As an introvert, my social fitness is lacking, I often go on months without reaching out to friends. So, I don’t have any authority to give any advice.
But here’s Dr. Waldinger's advice for better social fitness.
- Your attention drives your happiness. So, focus on the good and positive things in life.
- Every relationship is based on intention. Developing a better attention span will help you form stronger relationships with better choices.
- Social fitness is based wholly on your ability to reach out. Introverts suffer the most when it comes to keeping in touch. They give into their baser instincts and go into hiding for months.
- Talk to people from all socio-economic walks of life so that you can broaden your perspective of life.
- Your work is a big part of your life, no matter how much you despise your job. A healthy relationship with your co-workers can help you boost job satisfaction and overall happiness.
4. Your Bucket List is Killing Your Happiness
Bucket list is a phenomenon made famous by Hollywood like every other trend worth following.
There was no concept of a bucket list 20 years ago, Justin Zackham the screenwriter of the hit movie “Bucket List”, popularized this concept.
But now people are more keen than ever to check off as many tasks from their bucket list as possible.
You make your wishes a task when you put too much pressure on yourself to make them come true. Your bucket list is hindering your happiness a little daily.
A bucket list resets your expectations immediately after you complete a task on it. The achievement or the experience you just had loses its shine and you jump on the next big thing, without cherising your achievement.
It reduces your biggest wishes to mere tasks. So, it’s time you decluttered your bucket list for a better more fulfilling life.
Opt for a minimalistic version of your current bucket list by slashing the three least important things on it. The desires that no longer matter to you now.
Make it a routine to update your bucket list every 6 months, for a better far more manageable bucket list.
Conclusion
Your happiness is in your hands, Yes, your genes play a role but you can re-programme your genes with your mindset.
“You are what you think”, use the wonderful discovery of Epigenetics to be happier every day.
And start by giving up these 4 deadly habits to boost happiness today.
- Document your pain to cherish your happiness fully.
- Spend your money wisely on experiences to live life fullest.
- Trim down the excess teenage wishes from your bucket list.
- Keep in touch with your friends no matter how anti-social you are.